Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Steve Courson:Hero

If you don't follow sports, or at least football, you may have missed the fact that Steve Courson died recently. Mr. Courson was a player for those vaunted Pittsburgh Steelers teams of the 70's, and you can find a story about the man and his life here:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05320/607057.stm

I am writing about this not because of any glory he received while playing, but because of the impact he had on sports after he retired. Mr. Courson was one of the first athletes to come out and openly admit to using steroids. I think of him as a hero not because of the fact that he was a participant in Super Bowl victories, but because of the things he did in life since he played.

Mr. Courson took personal responsibility for the mistakes that he made, and did not act only vocally to address the situation, although he did that indeed. What impresses me so much is that he took action in his own life to change it for the better, action which took concerted effort and discipline.

In today's "Dr. Phil" society it can be extremely easy for famous people to point out a problem or even admit to their own wrongdoing. We can all probably name at least one superstar that we have seen shed tears while admitting the error of their ways to Barbara Walters. Most of the time these "stars" don't do anything to actually change that behavior, or even worse, sometimes they act as if the very instance of admitting to the problem divulges them of any personal responsibility in the situation.

In my time working with troubled teens and dealing with other teenagers who live with me but shall remain nameless, I have witnessed an attitude of what I refer to as "atleastism". It is the attitude which says suggests "I may have done that wrong, but AT LEAST I apologized" or "I may not be doing as well as I should be at school, but AT LEAST I am there." I think we're all guilty of that type of thinking, but our youth are especially susceptible to the phenomena, and it is in part due to the irresponsible behavior of the people they look up to.

Steve Courson was not that kind of man. He was a hero. He did something wrong and that had the courage to come out and admit it. He then took the responsibility upon himself to change his behavior. He never shied away from admitting his wrong, and he even went as far as trying to educate others from his own experience. That's what a hero looks like to me.

Monday, November 14, 2005

David Crowder Band Anderson, IN November 13

I'm still trying to recover from the beating I took this weekend. 700 miles in just over 36 hours. It was worth every inch.

After a brief stop in Dayton on Saturday night, I lit out for Anderson College in Indiana for the latest stop on the David Crowder band's Collision tour. Along with Shane and Shane and the Robby Seay band, this was absolutely the best Christian rock show I have ever been too, and it also ranks as one of the best shows, period.

What can you say about an artist that plays a non-stop, energetic set of contemporary, thought provoking, pulsating, God filled music and then comes out for the encore and smacks you in the mouth with some bluegrass and all but lifts the roof off of the place? All I can say is that although my yearning for DCB has finally been temporarily satiated, I left that place last night wanting more. The last time I felt this way about music, my friends were packing up the car and hitting the road to follow Jerry, Phil and the rest of that gang.

I jumped, I sang, I shouted, I laughed, I cried, I clapped and lifted my hands in the air......I sweated....I sweated a lot. And incredilby, during the whole time DC was orchestrating the evening, making us laugh, making us sing, making all 2000+ of us feel like close personal friends, I was in tune with the music and the words. The show isn't about DCB, it's about God and taking time to worship Him. The focus is never lost, it's impossible for that to happen with an artist who brings such thought provoking words to the table.

DCB reaches across all generations too. I'm beginning to leave my mid-30's in the rearview mirror, and I went to the show with my sister who will be entering her final teenage year in a week or so. We both had the time of our lives because we both connect with the whole DCB experience. DC is singing our words for us, singing our songs for us. Of course, he's doing it with his hair and his keytar....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Holy Holy is the LORD Lyrics

These are the lyrics to my latest song.

All this vanity, All this pride, Never filling, the whole inside
Nothing new, Underneath the sun, You can chase the wind, as fast as you can run
You'll never find, the satisfaction that you seek, Never know, what is promised to the meek,
He counts the hairs, up upon your head, He knows your days, until the one when you'll lay dead

Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD

You know the truth, but you’re caught in a lie, obligated, to your foolish pride
You know the Word, that can save your soul, but you can't give up, this illusion of control,
Turn your ear, to the wisdom offered you, Apply your heart, to understanding what is true,
You'll find a treasure, worth more than all the gold, that you could count, in all the days until you grow old

Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD
Holy Holy is the LORD

You are so magnificent, father
I consecrate this day to you,
Help me LORD, to be mindful of your ways,
In everything I say and do

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Fellowship

I was thinking today about some of my friends from the past, different times and different places, and how much I miss those people. We all have memories of places and times that are special to us, that impacted us, made us more considerate of others because of the way they echoed truth in our life. Trust is such a special thing, and when you find that trust in another person, or group of people, it can be so special that you never want the time to end.

Unfortunately, or, "alas" if you prefer, all things come to an end, sometimes far more quickly than we ever expected was possible. If you're lucky, you move from one exerience to another like this and you're able to gather up one or two intimate friends along the way. The circumstances that made each meeting special fade though. Groups of friends disperse. It is only natural.

That seems very depressing on the face of it. Would that time and life were such that each time you encountered such a circumstance where you experienced true fellowship with another group of friends, you could introduce that group to the group which you had already met, and your life could just be one large collaboration of fellowship, all your old friends mingling in with all your new. That isn't possible though. Not in this life.

It isn't truly depressing though. Each of these events in our lives is special, from that first group of friends to the one you are in now we learn to trust, to reach out, to extend ourselves, to forgive and to love. Although things like marriage and death may separate us, we echo in each others lives and hearts throughout our whole lives. Whether we see each other every day or have not seen each other in decades.

This is for Chris, Sharon, Donny, Don, Diane, Kathy, Sarah, Greg, Ken, Paul, Mike, Jeff, Cara, Jennifer, Julie, and so many other generous people I have met along the way that I can not see every day. I wish that I could. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

Friday, November 04, 2005

A man after God's own heart

This is from my old Yahoo 360 account. I'm reposting here because I liked it so much. The original date was September 7, 2005.

When I was younger, heck, last week.....yesterday? Okay, let's start again. In the past, recent and distant, I have wanted to be a man after God's own heart. I've also thought to myself that I would have chosen as Solomon did and gone for door number three and the wisdom. In the distant past I wanted these things because I was proud and I wanted God to look at me and say "There goes my boy, look at what he can do!" I also wanted other people to think that I was a very wise and insightful person.

Of course, both of these desires were foolish, and obstacles to the very thing I was hoping for! David was a humble Shepherd when God said that he was a man after His own heart. David wasn't looking for applause or commendation; he found his pleasure in glorifying God. For a long time I missed the mark with this, I just didn't get it. I thought I did. I was very proud about how humble I was, especially about how much more humble I was than other people. What a fool I have been.

And bingo, there it was. With that one sentence, with that one admission I took the step towards being a man after God's own heart that I needed to take. I realized that I was proud and that this was foolish and with that thought I became more like David. When I made that admission, I became like David when he confessed to Nathan (2 Sam 12:13) that he had sinned against the Lord. That confession was what made him a man after God's own heart, and similarly, my confession of pride drew me closer to God and the man he wanted me to be.

Am I done now? HA! Not even close. Each day is a battle. The race is long and grueling. Some days I run through life and it is glorious. I move as the wind moves, lighter than air and free. Those are the days in which I am grounded in the Word and fully trusting God to lead the way. Those are the days I am humble before Him and I realize that the day is but a gift that He has granted to me.

Other days I am shackled to the ground, and each step is painful. (Think mile 22 or so of a marathon) These are the days that I am bogged down in what has been, what might not be, what I have done and not done. These are the days that I forget about God, or at least push Him away. I am thinking too much about the next mile, instead of just being thankful that I can take the next step.

Before the great spleen injury I was running. In my best week I ran 16 miles. That was quite an accomplishment for me and I was very exuberant about that. I can remember the first day that I pushed myself to three miles. I was so exhilarated. The days that I am trusting God are just like those days. It is so exhilarating to know that the creator of the universe is looking out for me, walking with me, planning my day.

The first day I ran was different though. I got about 200 yards or so into it, and I began to wonder what I had been thinking to undertake the endeavor in the first place. Each step was taken only by sheer will. My legs were heavy like lead and my lungs seemed like they would never get enough air again. These are the days that I am thinking how awful it is that my marriage failed, that my mother died, that I have no child, I can't make a sale..... Instead of trusting that the God that has brought me this far hasn't stopped loving me perfectly and will take care of me because I am His son, I lose my focus and start to wonder how I will make it through the whole race. My job is just to take the next step.

Of course, all this makes me think of other days that can be just as harmful. Those are the days that I forget that I am running a race at all. These days seem harmless enough, but in forgetting the race I am forgetting God, or at least telling Him "I'll get back with you in a minute
." These are days of selfish indulgence. They seem harmless at first, but when you stop running the race, you get out of shape and unprepared for what is to come. These days lead to the days where the focus on God is lost.

Thankfully, God never fails to come down and steer me back on the path, to help me back into the race. It usually hurts, I won't lie. There is usually a good deal of weeping on my part, and often a need to repent. Ironically, those are the first few steps of running the race again. Those are the steps of realizing that I have allowed impurities to pollute me and am no longer prepared to run the race. Those are the days of grace, when I feel closest to God, because I realize how far away from Him I deserve to be and am overwhelmed by how close He has pulled me to Him. I never feel so loved as these days.

I started this by saying I wanted to be a man after God's own heart like David and wise like Solomon. I did have a point beyond the race analogy, but I enjoy digressing. My point is that I have never felt so close to these aspirations as I do lately. Going through what I have gone through with the spleen injury, most notably the nearly dying part, has changed me in a way that I may not be able to describe sufficiently.

I have come to realize in these past few months just how fortunate I am. In the past I have been fortunate for the way that God has provided for me. I have been able to look back at my life and see the obstacles that God moved out of my life to get me this far. I can see the times that God has caught me when I climbed too high in a tree and lost my grip. I can also see the times that He let me hit the ground when I climbed the same tree one too many times. For all of that I am and have been thankful, because He did what He did to make me realize how much he loves me.

This is different. The Bible compares life to a vapor (
James 4:14) and never before has this been so firmly rooted in my consciousness. Each day, each minute, each breath is a gift that God has given to us. Some days I am driving to work and I just ponder the very fact that I've been given another day and I am overcome with gratefulness. (Other days the guy in front of me is a moron and it's harder to focus)

Each day is a gift. God is great and He deserves to have control of my life. I am wiser, more like Solomon. My heart is closer to David's. Time for bed. I have to wake up tomorrow and take another step.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

You know you're from the Pioneer Valley

I'm celebrating where I am and where I'm from today...though not necessarily in that order.

Here's a funny little list that will really make you chuckle if you have ever spent any time in the Pioneer Valley:

----- How to tell when you're from the Pioneer Valley---
1) You're driving 75 on 91 and the idiot from Connecticut behind you is flashing his lights to pass. 2) The fact that Routes 5 and 10 are basically the same doesn't confuse you.
3) You recognize the letter "R" in our alphabet and it is NOT pronounced "ah."
4) You are not afraid of the East Longmeadow rotary.
5) You actually stop for pedestrians in crosswalks.
6) You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Holyoke, Athol, Charlemont, Amherst, Palmer and Bernardston.
7) You drove to New York State or Brattleboro, Vermont when you were 18 to buy beer.
8) You know that the "Calvin Coolidge" is a bridge.
9) You know what they sell at "packies."
10) You prayed that the Patriots would move to Hartford.
11) You laugh at all of the other New England states, especially Vermont.
12) You know at least one American Legion where you can get served after last call.
13) You can't comprehend how anyone can find their way around Boston.
14) You have gone to at least one party at Umass.
15) You go fishing at Quabbin just for the sense of satisfaction derived from peeing in Boston's drinking water supply.
16) You give directions by always referring to where places used to be,ie, "It's in West Springfield across from where Abdow's used to be.";
17) Colleges are used as landmarks for direction, i.e., "From Mount Holyoke go past Hampshire College until you reach Amherst. Go straight through the lights to UMass."
18) You believe that Bobby Orr is the greatest athlete that ever lived.
19) You can get from Peru to Florida in less than an hour.
20) You know at least one guy named Stan, Rene, or Sully.
21) You know that all directions for getting to Westfield start with, "You go to the Purple Onion....."
22) You laughed at the kids down south because they never get snow days.
23) You truly believe that the Memorial Bridge reconstruction project was the biggest traffic nightmare this state has ever seen.
24) You know that the Honeypot is a section of Hadley , not a serving container.
25) You have never been to the Basketball Hall of Fame.
26) You can recognize a Chicopee girl from her bowling shoes.
27) You cried when they closed Mountain Park.
28) You know where Ware is.
29) You know that there is a bigger difference between Longmeadow and East Longmeadow than just a compass direction.
30) When someone from the Eastern portion of the state calls UMass, "ZooMass" and you take it as a compliment.
31) You know that people who call Northampton, "NoHo" are not from 'Hamp.
32) You pray for the Red Sox to win the world series sometime in your life to get even with all of the Yankee fans that you have to work with.
33) You know that springtime means fresh native asparagus.
34) You know that a "T" is something you wear, not ride to work on.
35) You take your life in your own hands crossing any local bridge because all of the state's highway funding has been diverted to the Big Dig.
36) You know that Hadley is where the buffalo roam, and that it is next to the People's Republic of Amherst.
37) You are proud to drink Northampton Ale and think that the rest of New England owes The Brewery a debt of gratitude for inventing the micro-brew pub.
38) You think St. Patrick's Day is better than Christmas and you know where the world's second largest St. Patty's Day parade is held (hint: NOT Boston).
39) You go to the Berkshires, instead of "down the Cape."
40) You know that the best Italian pizza joints are all owned by Greeks.
41) You believe Bucky Dent to be the anti-christ.
42) You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Old Deerfield (or both) on a grammar school field trip. 43) You know that Wilbraham is the home of Friendly's.
44) You actually believe that the Oxbow Marina is "The Boat Mall of the Northeast."
45) You know that Westhampton is a dry town.
46) You know where the town of Enfield, MA is located.
47) You know that the Pike is free from Ludlow to New York.
48) You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and Hadley is 90% Polish.
49) You know at least two lesbians, not that there's anything wrong with that. And the final, most important way to tell that you are from the Pioneer Valley ........................................
(50) You know at least one person who works at Yankee candle and can get you a discount!


AND

This one is all about being from Ohio

You may be from Ohio (pronounced "ah-hi-uh") if:

You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange.

You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and
construction.

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a "buckeye" really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

"Toward the lake" means "North" and "toward the river" means "South."

You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You know how to correctly spell Cincinnati.

"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer
hunting in the fall.

You measure distance in minutes.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You know what "pop" is.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.

If someone says something you don't understand or hear, you say
"Please?"

You call it Krogers even though it is Kroger.

Call of Duty 2



Okay, after a two year love affair with Call of Duty, which followed a quick fling with Wolfenstein which came after the three years I spent with my first love (Half-Life) I am happy to inform you all that Call of Duty 2 has finally hit the shelves and it is everything FPS gamers could have hoped that it would be.

There are many noticeable changes in the game, but the biggest is undoubtedly the health system. Although this is vastly different from the first version, it does not detract from gameplay in any way. I have to admit that I spend the majority of my time playing on-line with friends, so most of what I tell you here is based on the multiplayer experience, but the health system comments are accurate across the board.

When I first heard about the changes to the health system, I was a little concerned that Activision had screwed this game up. How could you possibly have a game where you could just get back under cover and regain full health in a matter of seconds. Certainly you should have to be healed by a medic, or at least search for some health packs lying around.

I am thrilled to be able to tell you that this does not detract from the game whatsoever. In fact, the health system, along with some of the other improved features, really make this game the tightest FPS ever developed, at least in the area of team tactical play. If you like to run and gun, get used to dying and waiting to respawn. This game forces you to take your time and play the game with diligence, working with your squadmates to capture a radio or a flag depending on the gametype you're playing. It's as close to realistic as they could make it in that area.

If you try to go it alone without someone backing you up, chances are you are going to encounter a group from the other team, and unless you have your L337 hacks enabled, you will die the majority of the time. Some people might find that this style of gameplay is not as exciting as the run and gun "Serious Sam" type of game, but in all actuality, the tension and anxiety only serve to heighten the intensity of the gameplay.

The only negative comments I can make about the game at this point concern the anti-cheat system which is nonexistent, and the hardware requirements. It is simply not acceptable that Activision shipped this game out without Punkbuster being enabled. There is no more frustrating gaming experience than playing on a server with a llama who is using a trigger-bot or a wall hack. Although Activision is to be lauded for the fact that this game is so smooth right out of the box, this was a major mistake. The gaming community can't really do anything about it, but there may in fact be some people out there that will wait for punkbuster to be activated and stick to playing F.E.A.R. or Counterstrike until that happens.

The other issue with this game is the fact that my GeForce 5200 is only getting me from 30-35 frames per second depending on the map. Add in the fact that going through any smoke slows that number down even worse, and it can really be a drag playing the game. I love to sneak around maps, and I am a master at using smoke to cover my trail and get in and out of places unscathed, but when I can't see anything while I'm using that smoke because my FPS have slowed to a snails pace, it just isn't fun anymore. My 5200 just isn't that old that this should not be the case.

Nonetheless, I'm still playing the game, and enjoying it most of the time. I have the benefit of being able to play on my clan server (www.s2tg.com) so I can kick anyone that is obviously cheating though. I highly recommend it if the fact that there is no anti-cheat system as of yet doesn't bother you, and if your system can meet the minimum requirements on the side of the box.

Happy fragging!