Thursday, November 03, 2005

You know you're from the Pioneer Valley

I'm celebrating where I am and where I'm from today...though not necessarily in that order.

Here's a funny little list that will really make you chuckle if you have ever spent any time in the Pioneer Valley:

----- How to tell when you're from the Pioneer Valley---
1) You're driving 75 on 91 and the idiot from Connecticut behind you is flashing his lights to pass. 2) The fact that Routes 5 and 10 are basically the same doesn't confuse you.
3) You recognize the letter "R" in our alphabet and it is NOT pronounced "ah."
4) You are not afraid of the East Longmeadow rotary.
5) You actually stop for pedestrians in crosswalks.
6) You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Holyoke, Athol, Charlemont, Amherst, Palmer and Bernardston.
7) You drove to New York State or Brattleboro, Vermont when you were 18 to buy beer.
8) You know that the "Calvin Coolidge" is a bridge.
9) You know what they sell at "packies."
10) You prayed that the Patriots would move to Hartford.
11) You laugh at all of the other New England states, especially Vermont.
12) You know at least one American Legion where you can get served after last call.
13) You can't comprehend how anyone can find their way around Boston.
14) You have gone to at least one party at Umass.
15) You go fishing at Quabbin just for the sense of satisfaction derived from peeing in Boston's drinking water supply.
16) You give directions by always referring to where places used to be,ie, "It's in West Springfield across from where Abdow's used to be.";
17) Colleges are used as landmarks for direction, i.e., "From Mount Holyoke go past Hampshire College until you reach Amherst. Go straight through the lights to UMass."
18) You believe that Bobby Orr is the greatest athlete that ever lived.
19) You can get from Peru to Florida in less than an hour.
20) You know at least one guy named Stan, Rene, or Sully.
21) You know that all directions for getting to Westfield start with, "You go to the Purple Onion....."
22) You laughed at the kids down south because they never get snow days.
23) You truly believe that the Memorial Bridge reconstruction project was the biggest traffic nightmare this state has ever seen.
24) You know that the Honeypot is a section of Hadley , not a serving container.
25) You have never been to the Basketball Hall of Fame.
26) You can recognize a Chicopee girl from her bowling shoes.
27) You cried when they closed Mountain Park.
28) You know where Ware is.
29) You know that there is a bigger difference between Longmeadow and East Longmeadow than just a compass direction.
30) When someone from the Eastern portion of the state calls UMass, "ZooMass" and you take it as a compliment.
31) You know that people who call Northampton, "NoHo" are not from 'Hamp.
32) You pray for the Red Sox to win the world series sometime in your life to get even with all of the Yankee fans that you have to work with.
33) You know that springtime means fresh native asparagus.
34) You know that a "T" is something you wear, not ride to work on.
35) You take your life in your own hands crossing any local bridge because all of the state's highway funding has been diverted to the Big Dig.
36) You know that Hadley is where the buffalo roam, and that it is next to the People's Republic of Amherst.
37) You are proud to drink Northampton Ale and think that the rest of New England owes The Brewery a debt of gratitude for inventing the micro-brew pub.
38) You think St. Patrick's Day is better than Christmas and you know where the world's second largest St. Patty's Day parade is held (hint: NOT Boston).
39) You go to the Berkshires, instead of "down the Cape."
40) You know that the best Italian pizza joints are all owned by Greeks.
41) You believe Bucky Dent to be the anti-christ.
42) You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Old Deerfield (or both) on a grammar school field trip. 43) You know that Wilbraham is the home of Friendly's.
44) You actually believe that the Oxbow Marina is "The Boat Mall of the Northeast."
45) You know that Westhampton is a dry town.
46) You know where the town of Enfield, MA is located.
47) You know that the Pike is free from Ludlow to New York.
48) You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and Hadley is 90% Polish.
49) You know at least two lesbians, not that there's anything wrong with that. And the final, most important way to tell that you are from the Pioneer Valley ........................................
(50) You know at least one person who works at Yankee candle and can get you a discount!


This one is all about being from Ohio

You may be from Ohio (pronounced "ah-hi-uh") if:

You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange.

You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and

You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

You know what a "buckeye" really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

"Toward the lake" means "North" and "toward the river" means "South."

You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths.

You know how to correctly spell Cincinnati.

"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer
hunting in the fall.

You measure distance in minutes.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You know what "pop" is.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.

If someone says something you don't understand or hear, you say

You call it Krogers even though it is Kroger.

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