Steroids in sports and society - Schilling vs. Bonds,et al

There's been a lot of talk in the media over the past few months concerning steroids as Barry Bonds has approached Hank Aaron's career home run record. This week Curt Schilling created a stir when he was questioned by Bob Costas about the subject.


Schilling made news this week when Costas asked him what he thought about the avoidance by Bonds (and others) to answering the question of whether or not they had used steroids:

"...I just always thought it was very simple: If you did something and someone asks you if you did it and you didn't do it, you say no. Any other answer than no is some form of yes, isn't it?"

This caused discussion of not only the steroids issue, but also the issue of whether Schilling, who people seem to either love or hate, should have opened his mouth at all.

A discussion such as this began on the Red Sox forum where I normally post and go for information. I was surprised to see a couple of people offer the opinion that steroid use could be used without harm in a controlled environment, even to the point of saying that the American public had been duped by the media to believe this wasn't the case.

I just responded back and thought I would share my response with you:

You know, I won't argue that blaming steroids for direct causation in what Chris Benoit did is inaccurate. I will agree that stating that "JUST steroids are responsible" seems pretty unenlightened.

On the other hand, I would suggest that many of the young men that are drawn to the benefits of steroid use are exactly the people that shouldn't be using them.

I'm reminded of a discussion I had with one of our assistant deans when I was in college. He told me that in all the time he had been dealing with students, the overwhelming majority of young men that were taking classes in preparation for law enforcement were decidedly unqualified for the profession due to several factors, including their egos and pride and how these played into what he believed was a jaded motivation to be in law profession to bolster their self esteem.

Now, perhaps that analogy doesn't quite fit, but I hope you understand the spirit of what I'm trying to say. So many of our young athletes today, especially the premier high school and college athletes, are coddled to the point that they have no comprehension of what the real world is like. Not, at least, until they finally reach a big enough pool of talent that they realize there are thousands of other guys just like them from cities and towns across the country, even the world, and that it is only the rare blessed few that ever really make their careers playing the sport that has allowed them privilege and notoriety up until that point.

Unfortunately, for many it is about this same time that all the privilege and notoriety suddenly disappear and the young man is left isolated and unpampered for perhaps the first time in their young lives. Many of them are also left intellectually and emotionally incapable of fully comprehending the full impact of decisions they make at this point out of sheer desperation, including of course, the decision to take and abuse steroids.

Personally, I grew up with two close friends that did abuse steroids. One was a chubby kid that everyone loved because of his awesome personality and humor, and the other was the product of a divorced family that was short and small and pretty annoying. The one with the decent personality also had a family that loved him,and they were able to intervene and get him back on track with his life, but not before he had caused considerable emotional harm to himself and those around him. The other kid I don't expect to live past 40 because of all the trauma he caused to his body.

My point is that you can't have this argument in a vacuum. If you want to talk about cop outs, then you have to include the cop out of saying "when used properly in a controlled environment, steroids are perfectly safe". To me, it is nothing short of reprehensible to hold this point of view when it is a fact that for the majority, perhaps greater than 95% of the time, this will NEVER be the case.

I didn't come to this conclusion because the American media steered me wrong. I came to this conclusion because I am intelligent, analytical, an athlete and because one day in the next few years I expect to hear about an old friend passing far to early.

Sarah and The Joshua Wildreness Institute

Randall Bray

Sarah Bray

952 B Snowfall Spur

Akron, OH 44313

Dear Friends and Family,

I trust that this letter finds you all well and enjoying the summer months. Although I am told that we need more rain I find this questionable since I’ve really enjoyed the weather. I may not be completely objective however since I’ve enjoyed only having one softball game rained out, and I also don’t have a lawn since I live in a condo.

Sarah has also been busy working full time at her job with the Heart Group and preparing for her time at the Joshua Wilderness Institute beginning this fall. For those of you who weren’t aware, Sarah was accepted into their 9-month program beginning September 9^th of this year.

The Joshua Wilderness Institute is a program “designed for those who know they want to serve the Lord but lack the discernment, focus, spiritual and personal discipline, or life experience to exercise real wisdom in everyday situations.”

As most of you know, Sarah experienced a series of traumatic events beginning with the aneurysm and prolonged coma our mother suffered during Sarah’s early teenage years. I simply do not have the space to list here all that she has been through, but I can tell you how proud I am of the progress that she has made.

There was a time not long ago that I sincerely worried for her life because of the choices she was making. Thanks be to God however, her behavior has undergone a change that is nothing short of miraculous in the past 12 months. As thankful as I am for that progress, I am still unconvinced that she is prepared for the autonomy of life at a University.

It was at precisely the time I began to consider college as a viable possibility that I first became aware of the Joshua Wilderness Institute. I was overwhelmed when I listened to the story of the young woman I heard describe Joshua on the Focus on the Family radio program, because her story so closely resembled Sarah’s. I firmly believe that this program is God’s will for Sarah’s life at this time. You can learn about the Joshua Wilderness on their detailed website by searching for it on line.

Although the program itself is very reasonably priced, there is an attendance guarantee of $4500 due on August 15^th. Altogether the cost of the program is $8000 with an optional trip to Israel next Spring costing an additional $4000. Sarah will work at the program however, and this will defray the expenses by roughly $2500, leaving the total cost for the year at $6270,or $10270 including the Spring Israel trip.

Presently our church, West Hill Baptist Church, has pledged $1000 and I hope to have enough funds to bring the total to about half the attendance guarantee. Unfortunately, we recently found out that our father will not be able to contribute, which has made this request for support necessary. I apologize for getting this letter to you at such a late date.

Would you please prayerfully consider joining me in fulfilling what I sincerely believe would have been my mothers wish, and what I firmly believe is God’s will, for Sarah at this time? I anticipate that her participation in this program will pay a lifetime, or more precisely, an eternity, of dividends.

For any additional questions please contact me during the evenings at 330-524-9979. If it is your desire to help, please make checks payable to Randall Bray. If we are unable to secure Sarah’s place by the August 15^th deadline and there is no extension, I will destroy all checks. I will notify everyone able to contribute at that time as well. Thank you for your consideration.

In Christ’s name

Randy Bray

The Legend of Randy Bray...Preface

OK. I know I'm not a legend. Randy will not begin referring to Randy in the third person or anything. Promise. It's just that, for around a decade I've had people tell me from time to time that I need to start putting some of my experiences down on paper. My favorite comment was from a guy named Pete Brayton. Pete told me something along the lines of "I don't know what story you're going to tell, but I know there is one inside of you, and it's going to epic when it comes out." I'm not kidding, Pete always talked like that.

Which reminds me of a story, which kind of relates to how legends get started in the first place. You may have noticed that Pete's last name is Brayton, which is very similar to my own. He also bears a resemblance to my step-fathers family. Well we got to talking one day and wouldn't you know it, his family traces their lineage back to the same northern New York town that my step-fathers family does. It wasn't difficult then to imagine that at some point in the past someone made a modification to the name, and that Pete and I were tacitly related. And that my friends, is how legends get started.

As I sit here and write this, I'm hit with some real pangs of nostalgia and sadness. I have a hard time letting go of things. For a person with my share of failures, more than my share in my estimation considering the gifts and grace I've received from God...anyway, for a person who has failed in large and grandiose ways in my lifetime,you might imagine that I've learned how to deal with loss and pain.

Well, I finally learned how to deal with it without becoming self destructive. For the most part. However, there are things I've been through that happened years ago that still come to mind a couple times a month. Things that still make me wince out of embarrassment, shame or the like. I haven't always been as noble as I would have liked, and for a long time, I lived my life as a hedonist.

A tortured hedonist to be sure. Always knowing the right and true way. Accepting my Savior and His sacrifice while rejecting the responsibility that accompanies it. But a hedonist just the same. Tortured, never satisfied and lacking peace in all things.

So, as I sit here and write this, I recall that the summer I spent enjoying the company of the Braytons were probably the penultimate moments of that hedonism. The "golden age" of my life, if you will. At least it seemed so then.

And knowing what I know now, having survived what I've survived, I wouldn't go back and live that life again. But sometimes I miss it, and sometimes I miss the people like Pete and Claudine and our moments lost in time. Legends never die. They just get better.

So, I want to tell my story, plain and true. I'm already debating about how much to share and how much to show you, but I think I'm going to be frank and open about everything. I won't lie to you, more often than not my life has been a painful warning rather than a good example.

Until it's taken as a whole. Until I step outside and see how God has redeemed my wasted years. Yet though he has forgiven me, my worry is that while I was busy serving myself, people God may have used me to reach fell along the wayside and will never see the Gospel lived. I am looking forward to the people I will get to spend eternity with, but sometimes I agonize over the ones I won't see there.

I'm here to tell my story, to give testimony if you will. I believe you'll find it part comedy, part thriller, part drama and part tear jerker amongst other things. I doubt you'll find it boring. I hope you find it interesting. I pray it is used.

Live Earth, or how to waste as many precious resources as possible on a Saturday afternoon...

Once a week I go to lunch with the ladies in my department at work. Each week we cross a bridge in Kent, Oh, that crosses over a set of railroad tracks, among other things. There is a wall which is covered with all kinds of graffiti running alongside the railroad tracks, but conspicuous by both the height of the letters in comparison to the other graffiti as well as the stark plainness of the white spray paint the author used is a statement which reads:

"I worry that religion starts wars - Paul McCartney"

Now, don't get me wrong, as a musician and a lover of music, I revere Mr. McCartney and the other three lads from Liverpool for their musical contributions. I even liked McCartney and Wings. I got a little bored with him while he was going through the mid life years and getting busted for weed once a month, but I did like Ebony and Ivory at the time it was out.

However, every week as I cross that bridge I am so tempted to get a can of spray paint of my own and go down a put my own comment right next to the aforementioned one. It would read something like this:

"I worry that Paul McCartney does your critical thinking on serious issues."

As I said, I understand the impact the Beatles had in changing the very face of popular music around the world. However,I'm not ready to let Ringo Star teach me about the better points of a free market economy because of it.

With that being said, I'm also not willing to let a bunch of preening, self important, out-of-touch with reality, overpaid musicians define my position on global warming or any other subject. As it pertains to global warming in particular, let me just offer that if I tried to discuss carbon dating with many of the musicians I have known throughout my life, their first thought would be who would name their daughter Carbon? And then they would want to write a song about her.

Okay, that might be a bit of a stretch. Perhaps. Either way, my real point is that becoming a musician, especially reaching the stature of anyone invited to play at one of the Live Earth venues yesterday, takes as much dedication and effort as reaching the pinnacle of any other profession.

However, were you to chart the history of most of those musical acts, it's unlikely that the time spent in high school classrooms would rank amongst their most important influences. I propose that the same thing is true for many of the elite thespians in Hollywood. So, I cannot understand for the life of me why I am supposed to care one whit what these people think about anything that doesn't have anything to do with music or acting.

In support of how little these people seem to understand the implications of THEIR own actions (supposing that what they extol is true, that humans are having a catastrophic effect on the earth and it's climate) I offer you the words of one of the leaders FOR the idea of global warming:

John Buckley of Carbon Footprint, an organization that helps companies reduce their carbon dioxide emissions, said Saturday that Live Earth will produce about 74,500 tons of the gas.

"We would have to plant 100,000 trees to offset the effect of Live Earth," he said, speaking by telephone. But, he added, "if you can reach 2 billion people and raise awareness, that's pretty fantastic."

Speaking from my own idealogical and theocratic belief system that is tantamount to me saying to a missionary:

"You had to kill three people in the village before the rest accepted Christ? Well, praise the Lord brother!"

Okay, perhaps it isn't quite that extreme, but I think you get my point. And that's the problem with so many of the radical conservationists specifically and liberal minded people in general. Simply put, the lack of a moral code because the majority reject the Bible makes them susceptible to hypocrisy and worse at every turn. That isn't to say that conservatives and Christians don't face the same vulnerabilities, because we do. However, I believe that "pound for pound", people of faith will act consistently with the Bible.

That really isn't what got me about the statement Buckley made though. Although 100,000 is quite a significant amount of trees, and it does bother me that he could dismiss the "harm" being done solely based on the fact that he agrees with why the "harm" is taking place, that isn't the biggest problem I have with his statement.

What bothers most about what he had to say is that the rationalization he uses to legitimize the "harm" is that people were "reached" and awareness was "raised".

Are you kidding me?!

Who exactly is it that Buckley thinks:

1. Wasn't aware of the global warming argument?
2. Would not be in a position to hear about global warming, but would be in a position to watch one of the concerts?

I would propose that the number he proposed being made more aware of his message was far less than 2 billion. As a matter of fact, I think the number is a lot closer to, and this is just a guess... I think the number of people is a lot closer to...three. Yes, that is my final answer.

I won't even get into the fact that I think that Al Gore leads a movement which is misguided, that scientists and world leaders come out every day (and are ignored by the media just as often) to say that he Gore used faulty logic and that there is a serious problem with much of the "evidence" being used by Gore et.al, that many of the people who have aligned themselves with Gore know as much about science as they do about The First Council of Nicea (which is to say they know all of the information out there which presupposes a vast political and religious conspiracy and none at all of the the true historical facts)...

No, I won't even get into any of that, but I will mention it.

The bottom line though is this, there was a concert held yesterday, and:

1. Quite a bit of pollution was created in the name of not creating pollution
2. A lot (2 billion is a number I find rather "optimistic") of people went to the concert and, for the 2 minutes and 37 seconds which I viewed over the course of the day,looked very attractive and as if they were enjoying themselves very much.
3. The musicians involved (and from the acts I saw, there were quite a few who last enjoyed their best days a decade or more ago) did what musicians do. They showed up to play their songs because they like to play their songs and they liked to be looked at.

The primary reason the musicians came wasn't because they so fervently believed in the cause. It wasn't because they wanted to help or had some altruistic goal in mind. The primary reason the musicians came was because they are musicians and they like to play their music and they like to be looked at and applauded when they are doing it.

I'm certain there might have been a few that defy this description, but I do believe that overwhelmingly this was the case. Otherwise, they would have rode their bikes there.

The Ides of June

And then Spring was gone. I don't know if it's because I haven't had the time or the inclination, probably a little bit of both, but I can't believe it's been this long since I posted something here. I've had plenty to write about...I just haven't written. Look for something over the next couple of weeks.

TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!!!

Ah, you readers are so spoiled.

Okay, you, reader, are so spoiled.

lol.

I kill myself!

No, I DON'T need help with that.

I thought this was interesting. I think at least half of the stuff in my profile on this page are even correct. One of the "truths" it told me even made me a little emotional. Then I got to the part where it said I liked everything neat and smelling fresh and I about died laughing. THAT is funny stuff. Although, I do like things that way, I just don't have the time nor the inclination to MAKE things that way.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

David Crowder and Ted Nugent

When I was a little punk kid growing up in Springfield, MA my favorite guitar player was Ted Nugent. Cool thing was that Ted had a love affair with our little town. When he came to town to play our tiny Civic Center, he ALWAYS put on a good show. One time he got banned from the Civic Center for three years for putting on too good of a show.
He also included us on his live "Double Live Gonzo" CD, and when he returned with Damn Yankees later on in his musical career it was one of the best shows I have EVER seen.

I have much man love for Ted Nugent. I have much guitar player love for him too. I hope someday he will play on my CD.

Now that I'm a bigger punk kid, one of my favorite artists is the David Crowder Band. I admire the passion that these guys play with, the genuine desire they have to reach out to the disenfranchised with the Gospel of Christ, the way David closes his eyes when he sings out to God, the creativity, the absolute genius, of their music. Without reservation I put their "A Collision" CD up there with other epic CD's I have owned, a list which includes:

Electric Ladyland - Hendrix
The Southern Rythym and Harmony Companion - The Black Crowes
Ten - Pearl Jam
The White Album - The Beatles
Temple of the Dog - Temple of the Dog
Led Zeppelin IV - Led Zeppelin
Badmotofinger - Soundgarden
One More From the Road - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Yes, "A Collision" is THAT good.


I have much man love for David Crowder and his band of miscreants. I have much God love for them too. I hope one day David Crowder will sing on my CD, or maybe Hogan will play fiddle. Maybe I'll just have to wait for the jam session in eternity.

Either way, yesterday I had one of those moments where something was happening for the whole world to see, but it felt like it had been planned out just for me.

Take a look at this clip of the day put out by the David Crowder band while they're recording their new CD.



Yes, that is Ted Nugent, The Nuge, The Motor City Madman. That's The Nuge laying down a track for the new David Crowder CD. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN??!! If I go to a David Crowder concert and Ted Nugent ever comes out on stage and starts playing, I predict that I have a heart attack and die...as a matter of fact, I WANT to have a heart attack and die. Right then I want to be in Heaven so I can just immediately tell God, "THANKS, THAT WAS AWESOME".

Okay, I might be exaggerating. Maybe.

But COME ON!!!

Ted Nugent and David Crowder??!!!

HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN??!!

HOW??!!

Given Up For Lost

I sat down to write a song Monday night. I was thinking about and even feeling some of the things that I have felt in the past, especially during the latter stages of my marriage. I also had a line stuck in my head from the "Prodigal" video I may have emailed you recently, specifically, "Given up for lost." I've felt that way as far back as I can remember. Whether it's from things people have said to me or about me, things I've done which have left me with nothing but embarrassment or even shame, my self image has never been a positive one.

I can still fall into that trap, but over the past few years I've learned to see myself how God sees me rather than trusting my own perception. It wasn't easy, I'm not someone that moves away from a conviction like that very easily. The more I've read my Bible though, the more I've trusted Him, and the more I've realized that He is worthy of that trust. I don't know why He loves me the way He loves me, for as Martin Luther put it, I am but snow covered dung. No, I don't know why, but I do know He loves me, and that's all that really matters.

So I sat down to write this song on Monday night with those things in mind. I wanted to somehow use what I had been through in my life to show people that no matter what anybody thinks about you, including yourself, God loves you so much that even in your darkest hour, He will be there, He will hear your cry. I wanted people to know that no matter what anybody thinks of you, including you, the God that created you, the God that thought you up in the first place, will never stop loving you. He came to earth, left Heaven itself to live as a man, and died on a cross to prove it to us. To prove it to you.

I also wanted people to know that if they had a child or a loved one that had become wayward, that God is a faithful God. I put my mother through a lot of trauma when I was younger, but she never stopped telling me that God had a plan for my life, that He had given me my gifts for His glory. I'm sure that at the time she thought I wasn't hearing her, that I wasn't listening. Well, the truth is, I was listening, but I didn't believe I was worth very much back then, so as much as I would have liked to have believed she was telling me the truth, I just couldn't. Truth is, now I know I'm not worth very much, but I know that God loves me in spite of my sinful nature. So I wanted to tell people that there is no amount of sinful years that cannot be redeemed, and even though someone might not seem to be hearing what you say, your words do not really fall on deaf ears.

I've been blessed to have God put some wonderful musicians around me in the past year. Tuesday night, not even 24 hours later, we got together to practice. We practiced this song for about an hour before I felt like I wanted to get what we had recorded. It's still very rough, but I have uploaded the file to the web, and if you would like to hear the song God gave me this week, you can download it here.

I realize that the actual music itself may not be "your style", but I've included a text file of the words in the download.

Also, if I didn't send you that Prodigal video which was forwarded to me, you can see that here.

God bless

Getting older. Taking bullets.

In 27 minutes, I'll be 39.

That's a big number. I'm not sure how I got here. I don't feel that old, I'm told constantly that I don't look anywhere near that old, and Lord knows I often don't act that old.

But. I am that old.

When my mother was 39, I was 19. I am 39 and my sister Sarah is 20 and has lived with me since she was 15.

NOW I understand some things better.

I'm reminded all the time how old I am. The other day, Dennis Johnson died. He was 52. My mother was 52 when she died. It's way too young.

I remember watching DJ when I was growing up and the Celtics were a proud NBA franchise. He was a professional. I admired him very much.

In 21 minutes I will be 39.

Next year I will be 40. I believe that's supposed to mean something.

My best friend came down this weekend for the Moody Walkworthy Conference. It was a great weekend and we had a good time. There are just some things you can say to your friend of 20 years that you can't say to other friends. And some things you don't have to say.

In 18 minutes I'll be 39.

Life is good. But I am always melancholy when Chris leaves. Last night at dinner I had a moment where I really had to ask myself why I am depriving myself of his constant companionship and still living in Ohio. God knows. That's the only answer I need.

In 15 minutes I will be 39.

If I don't make it that long, that will be okay with me. Yesterday Chris and I talked about something Michael Easley said during his talk on Saturday. He was speaking about the sacrifice that God made by letting His son come to earth and die for our sins, and what a magnificent sacrifice that was. Easley said that he might be willing to sacrifice himself for one of us, but he certainly wouldn't be willing to sacrifice one of his children. That really hit home with Chris.

I understood it as well. I told Chris though, that there probably weren't very many people I wouldn't be willing to take a bullet for. First, I am okay with dying. I know where I am bound and I can't wait to get there.

When I was younger, when I knew the truth of God but refused to be obedient, I didn't realize the danger I was placing myself in. Like many young men, I believed myself the privilege of making my own decisions and having complete control of my life outweighed the risks involved.

They didn't. I have the scars to prove it.

I have a good life. I am happy much of the time. I laugh freely and often. I have a peace and a joy in my heart. I have a hope for the future and an anticipation for what God is bringing next into my life. This is how I spend most of the minutes of my days.

In two minutes I will be thirty-nine.

I miss my mother. I want to see Aaron, the son I held once. I miss my wife. Scars don't go away. This is how I spend the other minutes.

These are the events God used to refine me, to build perseverance and steadfastness. He has made me stronger. I am thankful for these events. I am not the fool that I once was.

I am 39.

My father told me that I had become a fine man and that he was proud of me. I know my mother is too. My son would not be ashamed to claim me as his father. My God has brought me this far. My Savior is my friend, and I learn more about Him every day.

I am 39, and this is going to be the best year of my life.

Excuses

So.

For a few years now I've been telling my sister that the choices she was making meant that there would be consequences to pay later. She disregarded me time and again even though she has paid consequences along the way.

This week, she has hit the consequences jackpot though.

I was driving around today thinking about that, and thinking about her tendency to make excuses when confronted with her shortcomings or poor decisions.

Then I began thinking about my own long history of making excuses for my shortcomings and poor decisions. I would like to state for the record that although I have been prone to this, I am more likely to castigate myself.

I began to think though how everyone is always looking for an excuse for their bad behavior, and people always have been since Adam pointed his finger at Eve.

Then I began to think more and I began to get tears in my eyes. I'll explain why in a minute.

I've been telling Sarah that the only way she's going to find peace and satisfaction in life is to live her life the way her Savior wants her to. To live life any other way is to invite him to keep trying to get our attention until we repent.

I was thinking about that, and also listening on the radio as someone was talking about how throughout our life we will always be repenting. We face a never-ending process of sinning and repenting.

I thought to myself that what a loving and wonderful God we serve, because we do not deserve His repeated forgiveness, redemption and restoration. We choose to commit the sins we commit, and there are consequences. The consequence of sin is Hell. Mostly what occurred to me though was that we have no excuses for our sin.

God doesn't care. Jesus didn't care. He knew every sin and He still chose to die for me. For you. For all of us.

That chokes me up. What a mighty God we serve.